The washerwoman’s lane. • An intention frustrated. • A slap in the face. • Choice language and temper. • A dinner in the Haymarket. • The rockingchair. • A lucky shove. • Up, and out in a second. • A quarrel, and flight • An enticing laugh. • The house in O…d. Street.

Down the lane was the washerwoman’s cottage, it had a little garden in front of it. Through the window I saw the girls ironing by candle-light, I walked about till quite dark, then knocked at the door. The short one opened it, and seeing me shut the door saying, “Oh ! you musn’t call.” So I went away.

Then I wrote asking them to meet me, and got no reply; but I persevered. I was constantly thinking of the girls’ baudy talk when sitting on the barrow. I went to the house again, after writing to say when I would be at the end of the lane, and found them standing there, — by accident they said, they declared they had not had my letter. That was a lie I knew. I began smutty talk, which they cut short by both going to their cottage.

I wrote letters to the short one again, asking her to meet me, but nothing came of that. At the end of their lane were market-gardens, I saw Esther one evening at that end which joined the high-road, and was close to the public-house where I had seen the women sitting whom I had poked in the village church-yard. It was dark. I asked her to come for a walk, she promised in a few minutes to come to me by the market-garden. “If I don’t”, said she, it will be because mother is at the door.” But she came.

I swore I was in love with her, which was true to the extent of her cunt, and wanted her to meet me elsewhere, — we would dine, and go to the theatre together. No she could not be out late without a row. I kissed her, which she took to in the darkness kindly enough. I whispered, “I should like to fuck.” “If you say that again”, said she, “I’ll slap your chops.” I did, and she gave me a slap in the face, and ran off. I was hurt, and so annoyed, that I did not follow her, but bawled out, ‘You’ll split your cunt into your arse-hole if you run like that.” Directly afterwards a voice like as of an oldish female in the darkness said, “Get along you drunken blackguard, the likes of you ought to be locked up. Insulting the  girl by foul-mouthed remarks had not improved I feared my chance of broaching her, and fur a while I desisted.

But the letch was strong on me, I went to stay with my mother to be nearer my game, and passed my time in playing billiards at the public- house, and nightly I hunted the girl; so that at length under promise to take her to Vauxhall she agreed to come and dine with me, or as she said, have supper at eight o’clock with me. I usually then went to Vauxhall at ten o’clock.

I went to a French restaurant in the Haymarket, ordered a sitting and bed-room, and a good supper. Thought I, “With a feast and champagne with you by myself for a couple of hours, my cock and your cunt will make acquaintance.

To my annoyance she cane with her sister. “I could not stop out late without her”, said she. I made the best of it, though very angry on the quiet at seeing my game baulked.

“I’ll kiss you at once because you have brought your sister unasked, and you Matilda because you came unasked”, — and I kissed both to my heart’s con-tent. They liked it. They were dressed in the vulgarest style of their class, and I felt ashamed of going to Vauxhall with them, — and did not they gorge ! Champagne they had never tasted before and they lapped it up like milk. “It gets into your head, don’t it?” said one. “No my dear, champagne gets into your tail, —you’ll want to piddle soon.” “Oh! for shame!” “Never mind there are plenty of chamber-pots in the bed- room.” “If you talk that way we’ll go”, said they laughing, but we went on talking and drinking.

Supper over, the waiter out of the room, both girls half-screwed, half- screwed myself and wholly lewd, they both came and sat by me on the sofa. Sisters again, — what fatality!

The conversation was soon suggestive. Which did they like best, washing a shirt or a chemise? They !et out, checked themselves, checked each other. “Lord Esther what are you saying?” “Well Matilda I’m ashamed of you.” “Well that’s pretty conversation for a gentleman, — let’s go, — promise you won’t say anything like it again.” “I won’t, — but tell me one thing, — how did you feel Esther, when you sat on the barrow and said, ‘fuck’?” “You’re a blackguard, I never said anything of the sort, — did I Matilda?” “We’ll go if you keep on so.”

Matilda got jealous. “It’s my turn now”, said she after I had been kissing Esther. The wine got more into all our heads, and we laughed and shouted. “Why did you come Matilda?” “Mother don’t let Esther out alone, — besides I didn’t know what you two might be up to alone.” “What did you think we might be up to?” “Oh ! that’s tellings.” This talk went on for a time, gradually getting warmer and more suggestive; all were thinking about fucking, though no one said so.

By the sofa was an American rocking-chair, the first I ever recollect having seen. Matilda began rocking herself in it, I rocked the chair violently for her and then as far as it would go, back and held it there, then rapidly I pushed one hand up her petticoats. Her legs were distended somewhat as legs usually are when people are rocking, and my fingers went on to her cunt. She lay back for the moment, helpless, then man-aged to close her legs, but being almost on her back she could not get free; she struggled to get up, and yelled out, “Ohl pull him off Esther, — don’t you beast.”

Esther was on the sofa. She got up, pulled me back, and the chair came forwards, but not till I had lifted Matilda’s clothes far above her knees. She sulked, my blood was up, and pulling Esther down on the sofa kissing her, I pushed my hand up her clothes, and on to her cunt. She screeched, then Matilda pulled me away. There had been much laughing and yelling, but now they sulked. “We will go”, said they. “I’ve felt both your cunts”, said I.

Their bonnets were in the bed-room, and I would not let them get them, put both fingers to my mouth, and kissed them saying, “That’s touched your cunt Matilda, that’s touched yours Esther.” Then I pulled out my prick, and putting both fingers on it’s tip said,. “That’s nearly the same as if my prick had touched your cunts.

“Call the waiter Esther”, said Matilda angrily. I had gone too far, so I desisted, begged pardon, promised never to do it again, to give them both new bon-nets, and I dare say anything else, and they sat down, but for a long time sulking, and almost silent.

But my humility and regrets overcame them, there was more chatting, more laughing, more champagne. I got smutty again and now, they laughed at it. “What nice legs, and what beautiful white linen you have Matilda.” “Mine is as white”, said Esther. “Your legs are not as plump.” “Yes they are.” I pinched their arms, then their legs, we all kissed, they were both as randy as the devil, and incited me to smutty talk, though affecting not to understand me. Then the champagne overcame us all.

“You want to piddle?” “Ooh !—oh ! no.” “Really? then you want to see if your bonnets are all right, that’s all, — I want to piddle though.” Saying that I went into the bed-room, pissed, and came back, taking the key out of the door. Laughing the girls then went into the bed-room, and closed the door. They were very noisy, and groggy, the eldest worse than the other.

I listened at the door. “Lock the door Ess.” “There’s no key.” “Stand there, and hold it, — I’m bursting.” “Don’t he go on !—make haste, or I’ll pee myself.” I pushed open the door suddenly, one was pushing her clothes against her quim to dry it, the other on the pot, she let a loud fart just as I opened the door. “Oh !” said she rising with difficulty. “I’ll wait till the music is over”, said I going out, — but I returned the next minute, and pulled out my prick again. “I’ll fuck you both”, said I, and tried to put my hands up their clothes; when I got one the other pulled me off, then I turned to her, and so on. We upset chairs, we shrieked with laughter, it was Bed-lam broke loose. I caught Matilda, and threw her on her back on the bed. “Leave off now, — pull him away Essie, — you’re a going on too far, — oh ! don’t tickle, —oh! I can’t bear tickling.” But I kept on.

The tickling made her screech. I threw up her clothes, for she was still on her back on the bed, I didn’t see her cunt, for I was between her legs, and bent over her, lifted her legs, and pressed hard down on her belly, her clothes on it which met mine, I gave a shove, having no thought of doing anything but lewd mimicry of the act of copulation, whilst Esther was tugging at my coat. Matilda shrieked, for my prick went up her cunt, and out again before I knew where it was, — another furious shriek. Frightened I had let go of her, she rolled off the bed, and sat on the chair maudlin, and crying.

“What’s the matter?” said Esther, “what’s he done?” “Oh !” sobbed Matilda, “where’s my bonnet? —let’s go, — I will go.” “Stay, — be quiet.” “I won’t, —I will go.” The waiter just then came into the room begging us not to make so much noise, as people were noticing it. Matilda crying and angry, Esther questioning, Matilda telling Esther to put on her things, or she would go without her, whilst there stood the French waiter and a chamber-maid, wondering what the row was all about, — if they had not heard, and did not guess it. The girls were frightened, and I could not stop them. They had their things on, and were out of the house in a few minutes, I went down with them saying we would go to Vauxhall. The landlord stopped me. “Your bill sir.” I paid it, and when I got out could see the two girls nowhere. I took a cab, drove here, there, and everywhere, but they were gone.

I came back towards the Haymarket, took the first woman I met, and went to a house in C. . .d . n Street. Half-an-hour afterwards I went with another; whilst with her I heard a merry voiced woman in an adjoining room, and without seeing her took a fancy to her. I dismissed my second woman after fucking her, and enquired of the servant how long the lady who was laughing had been in the adjoining room. She knew nothing, so I waited door ajar, till I saw the woman leave, followed, and brought her back, fucked her, and had not enough money to pay for riding home.

The more I think of that adventure the more extra-ordinary it seems; from the time I threw Matilda on to the bed, till my prick had entered her cunt, and got out again, I don’t believe it could have occupied more than a few seconds. She was heavy, I only just could lift her, and her petticoats seemed but half-way up. She laughed loudly as I did so, and when I leant over her with my prick out, I had not the remotest idea of broaching her, nor that my prick might touch even her thighs; but she must have been in the exact position, and her struggles brought her notch down to the level, and my prick by mere chance drove a little way up the hole; then her bum-wriggle threw me out instantly, and her yell frightened me. Whether she was a virgin or not, or whether I hurt her or not, I cannot say; could not even swear that my prick had entered her cunt, but it felt like it; and why did she yell, then sulk, and go away in a temper, if I had not somehow touched that slippery orifice?