VOLUME 5 CHAPTER 19
Part of my manuscript destroyed. • Sunday night at a country church. • A pretty parlour-maid. • The dark pew. • A furious pego. • A grope, a frig, a spend and a sob. • Fist-fucked by a female hand. • No copulation. • A servant at a baudy house. • Mrs. Eliza F***m**g. • Supper at the Café de l’E*r**e. • A swell and his mistress. • A quarrel. • His rudeness. • Her silent contempt. • Left alone. • My politeness and reward at J***s St. • My morning’s fuck. • Fears about my virility. • Momentary impotency. • Her blandishments. • Cunt seen, kissed, and smelt. • Immediate erection. • Her voluptuousness. • In the park. • The Lady Equestrian.
My manuscript about this time and covering two months’ adventures, is but a series of notes, very amply written, and containing all the material for continuing this narrative faithfully. — Yet I don’t feel inclined to take the trouble to arrange or write it out in full.
I find that I got hold of a nice girl at church one evening, a servant of a friend where I was on a visit. The church was one of the old ones — in which the pews were still large, and many of them square, with high enclosures — and it was still lighted with candles and indeed there was no gas to be had. — There were very few people at the evening service — (it was in the country) so that they only half lighted what few lamps there were. I had caught and kissed her on the road, and jerked at her belly about a few days before in the twilight, and had tipped handsomely, for I saw her every day during my stay. She waited with another female servant at table.
I knew the girl went to church in the evening — and saying I should go for a walk, went to church, tho only intending to catch her coming out; but I went into the church instead. I saw the pew opener going up the nave, and slipped past to the aisle, where I knew the family pew was, and there was she. It was so dark that I could not easily see the print of a prayer book, and had not been there ten minutes before the nearest lamp went nearly out and our pew was really quite in the dusk — there was no one near in any pew behind us, and only one or two people in pews far off in the front of ours, which was so placed also that it was much hidden from the rest of the church on one side by a huge Gothic pillar.
I got near her for the sake of light as I shammed, — and before the sermon began sat close up to her. She edged away from me, which only put her nearer the huge stone pillar, which the pew abutted on, and hid us more completely when I moved up to her. How I did what I did, strikes me now as of the highest temerity, I never could have contemplated it. Yet I dared, and partly succeeded with a girl not twenty years old, with whom I had only once taken a suggestive liberty — and had only dared to kiss, and say I meant to sleep with her some night — (said in a chaffing manner). I cannot understand it, but I did all I tell of.
I was in a high state of lust — for staying where I was with a friend, I had had no chance of copulation, — and I am sure that my charming lass must have been in a similar state, and that mutual lewedness alone accounts for all that took place. When a man and woman are both thoroughly lewed, but slight opportunity is needed to get cock and cunt joined.
When I got close to her I began to talk smut in whispers. — “Oh — don’t sir — they will hear you — now pray don’t — there’s — Mrs. * * * * — saw me come in — she is just in front.” Gradually before the serman began, I got my hand on to her naked thighs. “Oh I’ll get up and leave — oh now — if you — oh — don’t — leave off.” Then during the sermon I got my finger on to her cunt tip, and frigged her till she spent. — As she did so, she gave such a loud sob of pleasure that people must have heard it, tho perhaps they may not have noticed it — and she gave such a violent start of her bum forward that it came quite to the edge of the seat.
Before I had got her to that state of maddening concupiscence, she had felt my prick. I had to put her hand to it and make her do it tho, and no sooner had she spent, and had wetted my fingers well as I felt it—(every woman opens her thighs for a second after her cunt exudes its pleasure), than at once I seized her left hand which was nearest to me, put it round my prick, and closing her hand with mine, moved it up and down and frigged myself with it. — It was an affair of but a minute and then I was satisfied — I had been about three quarters of an hour arriving at this result.
At the benediction I left — to avoid being seen going out of the pew with her, but waited in sight of the church door and followed her till the crowd had dispersed. Then in the dark road, when she caught sight of me, she began running, I after her — soon I caught her, assaulted her again, — got my hand on to her cunt, and made her feel me, but could not make her let me fuck her. Then failing, I again put her hand round my prick (she willing for that) and frigged myself with it.
I had no invitation to stay long with my friend, and was obliged to leave. It was with the greatest difficulty in that small house that I managed to speak with her without my doing so being noticed but I did, and promised to take her somewhere, and to give her a new cloak if she would come to London on her holiday. — I gave her an envelope with my address written on it, and she told me when her day was, but she never wrote or came to me.
In my youth in a similar pew, I have frigged one of my mother’s servants, and she has frigged me —but I had already fucked her, so that there was nothing much in that, and we both concurred in the amusement in church, but this young lass was I believe a virgin, tho I could not be sure of it.
Then in town I again got hold of a woman who said she was a servant — but who went with me to a coffee shop where they wrote up “beds” — and she I had. — I don’t know whether she was gay or not, I think she was a half and half, but that she really was in service. She wanted a good bit of shagging, for she laid so quiet for a couple of hours with me, and said — “Oh fie” — at my baudy talk, but handled my prick all the time, and never thought of getting up to leave it, excepting to wash once, till it was near ten o’clock, when she said she should catch it and made off rapidly. I put her into a cab, and paid for it, and gave her a little bit of gold. — It was a very pleasant evening — and she a very pleasant fuckstress. — It is a great pleasure to have women whose cunts seem to be craving for their natural food, as hers was, but I never saw her again.
Then mercenary beauties in silks, satins, and hand-some garters, had me. For some reason or another I avoided Camille seemingly, for I can find no reference to her. — The rest of this part of the manuscript, I commit to the flames, for there is nothing much worthy to keep record of, till I had a meeting with a most charming lady, who fell to my arms through a quarrel.
One fine day in June, before luncheon, I met a young lady in Bond St. She was venal, and in half an hour or so she had been fucked, paid, and departed.
That night I went to the theatre, and afterwards to the Cafe de L’Europe to sup. — It was a favourite place of mine, such fresh, handsome, well dressed women being usually there. I took the only vacant compartment, which held four usually, and six at a squeeze — and had scarcely begun supper, when a gentleman and lady came in, and after asking if the vacant seats were engaged by me, sat down; the man by my side, the lady opposite him.
She was a well grown, splendidly beautiful creature, hazel eyed, and chestnut haired, fresh as a rose, and seemingly about three and twenty years old. I detected in a minute that they had been quarrelling. — “Order what you like, I don’t want any.” — “There is nothing at home for you.” — “I’m not going home.” — “Where are you going?” — “To ****” — “Well, order me something.” All was said in an undertone.
The lady kept looking at me to see if I noticed, and I at her. — He looked right across the room sulkily. — A waiter came, but he wouldn’t order anything. — She ordered lobster and champagne, and ate heartily. — He refused all but kept on talking. She lost her temper and in an undertone: “What we have to say, we’d better say outside hadn’t we, or not talk at all?” — “Shut up then” — he replied, turning and looking at me. I went on with my supper seemingly not noticing, but furtively looking at her — she often doing the same to me, as if to see if I noticed — and vexed she looked.
A finely dressed, handsome woman, then came in, and coolly took a seat opposite to me, and next to the lady. She expected some one, she told the waiter, and I immediately entered into conversation with her. Then the other lady going on eating and drinking, looked at me more openly, and I fancied pleasurably. Just then, “There is * * *,” said he, and he rose. — “Don’t go to him,” said she. “What the devil do you mean by interfering with me?” and he walked across the room to a man, and stood conversing with him.
The lady seemed annoyed and hurt, tears rose in her eyes but she checked them, and looked at me. I smiled, so did she. — Then she looked well at the other woman, and again at me, and afterwards she scarcely took her eyes off of me. I began thinking what a lovely creature she must be undressed, and my prick tingled. Then staring her in the face, I thought of her thighs and cunt, whilst my prick began to swell, and I left off talking. She returned my passionate gaze, as I expect it was, and coloured up, dropped her eyes, and looked after him, but soon looked at me again. I love when I feel lewed upon a woman, to keep my eyes on her face, meet her eyes with mine if I can — and think of, and wonder about every part of her hidden charms from armpits to ankles. — How many times have I been delighted to hear virtuous ladies say,, — “Oh what are you staring at me for?” What would they have said had I told them straight?
He came back surlier than ever. — “Haven’t you finished?” — “No.” — “Well I’m going then” — an-other short wrangle in an undertone and he rose. — “Well, pay for the supper. Shall I wait here till you come back?” — “No, there is some money if you have not any, expect me when you see me,” and throwing a lot of gold on the table he left. She left immediately after him leaving the gold there, but in two or three minutes came back and resumed her seat and eating. Then I began talking to her. The dashing harlot seeing that, got up and left. I was glad, for I had begun to think that that free and easy damsel had seated her-self there hoping to hook me in for a supper, or for the night.
I ventured a remark about her being left alone so. She took it up at once. She didn’t understand being treated so in a public room, but then dropped the subject, paid the waiter and rose to go. — “I wish I could see you home,” said I. — She stared hard at me for a minute, shook her head, resumed her seat, and talked for a minute or two looking into my eyes. Then she again rose after looking at her watch — “Let me see you home” — she shook her head and went away slowly, saying “Good night.” The waiter didn’t know the lady he said when I paid him, and in two or three minutes after she had gone, I left, and found her standing in the lobby near the entrance door of the café.
“You’re not gone.” — “No I can’t make up my mind what to do,” said she angrily. — “You are so exquisitely lovely I shall dream of you, come with me.” —She hesitated a moment. — “Is it far?” — “No close by.” — “Be quick then.” Thinking of my recent experience, — “Hadn’t you better follow me, it’s close by.” — “Yes, perhaps so, but be quick.” Then it occurred to me that I had scarcely any money, and hesitated and looked in my purse. — “I’m sorry,” said I, “but I’ve very little money with me.” “Pough,” said she contemptuously. I scarcely knew whether she despised me, or the money, but she placed her hand on mine. “Follow me then.” — Out I went, looking back to keep her in view, and see that she was not fooling me. In three minutes were in my favourite house.
“Every room’s engaged sir,” said the woman, “Will you wait in here?” — opening the door of the parlour where I had so often sat. “I won’t stop,” said my lady, but the door was closed, and we were alone, with the sofa and the bed in the alcove, on which I had years before often seen Hannah sleeping.
Again one of those ridiculous, unaccountable fits of timidity suddenly came over me. I had had a woman there on that very day, could I fuck now — will my prick be thought small? These ridiculous ideas came into my head, and to my horror I found my prick was shrinking. Alone with this splendid creature, I neither kissed her, not attempted any of those delicious familiarities, which I had been dying to take a quarter of an hour before. I neither sought to see her limbs, nor talked voluptuously, but I sat thinking my prick was small, in a sort of terror, tho to hide it, talked about the temper her husband had shown. “Never mind him,” said she impatiently, just as the maid told us a room was disengaged. The next moment we were in it.
I kissed her and put my hand up her clothes. \”Wait a minute,” said she, “I want to pee so.” — “Take off your things.” — “I can only take off my dress for I can’t be here long.” Bonnet, and dress went off, and she sat down and piddled. As she sat in beautiful linen, I saw little feet in exquisite shiny brown kid boots, covering white silk stockings, and my prick began to stiffen. “I want it badly,” said she rising and drying her cunt with a towel.
Leaning against the bed I felt her cunt, still timid, and conscious that my prick about which I did nothing but think, was not ready for work, and in fact was inclined to shirk it. — As she surrendered her charms to my hand, and put her lips to mine her hand went down to my sex and she whispered, “Let me feel it.” I trembled with nervousness, pulled it out, and in a miserable way. — “It’s not very big” — feeling awfully agitated as I said it — She handled it with avidity. Al-tho bigger, it was by no means stiff, and she gave a little quiet laugh, which finished my discomfiture. — I stammered out that I had been stiff and longing for her all the time she had been supping. — “When did you do it last?” — “Today.” — She at once let go of my tool and it shrunk up. — “I’d better go,” — said she.
Tho she laughed when she said it, I was in agony at seeming so impotent — at my disgrace. — “No, my darling, no, wait a minute and I shall be all right, let me look at your charms.” At once she got on to the bed, I threw up her clothes, and saw as exquisite a sight of legs, thighs, belly, and cunt, as ever a woman disclosed. I kissed her flesh all over, raised up one thigh so as to kiss her cunt, and on its divine scent going up my nostrils. I buried my lips between its lips, and my prick having at once risen to full erection, I laid down beside her. She grasped it and laughed — “Why, you said it was small.” Then joining tier tongue to mine, we lay a minute in baudy fumblings, till she whispered, “Put it in.” — With a slow thrust it went up her, and too soon after alas, tho longer at the work than usual, I had bedewed her lovely cunt with my sperm.
Laying together cock in cunt, she asked me if I really had had a woman that day. I told her the truth. — She laughed, saying, — “Oh you vagabond and to bring me here for the second.” — “Come in a day or two again and you shall have the firsts.”
She washed, then I prayed her to undress to let me see her naked and I’d do it again. — “Not you,” said she. — But I praised her so much, and begged so earnestly, that at length she stood naked before me, and I found her one of the most perfect of women, in the very prime of womanhood. From neck to ankle, she was superb. I have rarely seen such full large breasts so firm as hers. The swell of her haunches from her thighs to her waist was exquisite.
“You strip,” said she laughing. — In a minute I was naked. — “Oh! what smooth flesh,” and she began to kiss my breasts, and feel my back, I kissing hers; and so we stood naked, kissing each other’s flesh, and looking and praising each other’s beauties, till she closed on me, grasped my prick gently, and it began to swell. Then my finger went on to her clitoris, and our mouths joined humidly, and silently. “I can do it again.” — “Can you?” said she giving my prick a gentle squeeze. She got on to the bed, and then lying on the top of her naked. I put my prick up her and rested it in her sheath and so we talked, for tho stiff, my sperm was not ready. Twenty minutes had not passed, since I had spent. But she was impatient, her cunt clipped, and with a gentle movement of her lovely buttocks she moved my prick backwards and forwards in her vagina. A few thrusts of mine followed, and again we were quiet. Again her cunt clipped, and she sighed, looking at me with dilated eyes — “It isn’t small, oh, go on.” — Then fucking hard, again we sank into oblivion, in thrilling embraces. — In a minute or two afterwards, she asked who, and what the woman was I had had in the morning, and I told her. She dressed rapidly, she must get home. Should we meet again, where could I write to her? Nowhere. — But where could she write to me? — I gave her a post office. She refused me her name. She would sign herself Amelia if she wrote, and it would be yes, or no, no words more.
If she came she would dine, and in a private room of course. Then she was a little more communicative. Her husband was going that week and the following, to * * * races. — Perhaps he might wish her to go I said — “I dare say he will, but I’ll serve him out for to night.” Didn’t I know some more quiet house than the one we were at. I said I did. Then I scarcely knowing how to act, and emptying my purse to let her see it. “I have only a sovereign, but it will pay you for your cab hire home.” Laughing she gave my hand a gentle knock, and the money fell. — “Another time.” — “Perhaps — but I must go, don’t come with me, I’ll go out first” — and off she went. Her beauty and the strangeness of the meeting with her excited me much, and I was in a fever of expectation. Two days afterwards I was in the Park sitting and looking at the equestrians, when I saw a woman on a fine horse. She so resembled the lady that I started, but thought I had made a mistake, and was deceived by the riding dress. Then I saw the same man riding by her side.
A stranger next me, I then asked, if he could tell me who the lady and gentleman were. — “Oh, that is Mrs. F***m**g, she was kept by Lord B***l*n, they quarrelled, and now she lives with Mr. F. They say he has married her — but women often say that, you know.” — “Was she ever gay for I don’t recollect ever seeing her about town.” “I think not,” he replied — I waited but saw her no more that day.
No letter came, and I concluded that she was a hot arsed, free and easy one, who disappointed with her man and heated with supper that night, determined to get her cunt lubricated by any one who pleased her, that I being in the way the chance fell upon me, and that perhaps she often slaked her cunt thirst in similar adventures. Yet there was nothing in her manner to indicate the harlot, tho there was voluptuousness in her face. Then it was evident her name was Elisa F***m**g — tho it was not the name I was to call her.