VOLUME 6 CHAPTER 11
At Cremorne. • Amelia German. • A fair-haired beauty. • A voluptuous bed-fellow. • Tongues and lips. • Small entrance, large interior. • Her house and her captain. • Mrs. A*t*n the house-keeper. • The house-keeper alone. • Why does she sleep with Amelia. • Reasons suggested. • Mrs. A., on the sofa. • Hesitation and consummation. • Regrets after fucking. • Mrs. A’s history. • On Sapphic tastes. • Mrs. A*t*n at a brothel. • A telltale belly. • Amelia with child. • A*t*n’s produce. • Still-born or murdered? • House-keeper departs. • Gamahuching in a new attitude. • Repetition. • Liking and disliking. • Amelia’s accouchement. • She disappears.
At Cremorne one night late in the summer, I saw a tall, fine woman, whom I mistook for a German. Her hair was of a darkish, half flaxen hue, tho not flaxen. It was a colour I did not admire, but it seemed in her very handsome, and to suit her • face, which was round, with a thickish, but prettily retrousse nose, sweet, languishing, half-sleepy, blue eyes, and pouting lips, such as I love; in a small mouth full of fine teeth. She had a lovely, transparent, white complexion, tho too white and colourless perhaps. She had a quite unusual graceful, undulating motion in her haunches, indeed of her whole body as she walked. Not a vulgar swing of her rump, which some women affect, but quite an easy movement. It was as if the bum was too heavy for her legs. But the graceful undulations seemed to go over all her body. I went home with her to the extreme west of London.
I have blotted out her surname on my notes, and al-tho I visited her at intervals quite two years cannot now recollect it. Her Christian name was Amelia, and I call her Amelia German, on account of her German, or perhaps Hollandish look.
She stripped, and in doing that, her movements were graceful, and I found her as I expected, beautiful in form, with thighs which were a perfect model, and a large, tho not overpowering backside. Her cunt was not very hairy. It was small, delicate looking, and retained somewhat the pink or coral tint of youth, and this made it very pretty, coupled with the light coloured fringe. The colour however was much darker than that of the hair of her head. Clitoris and nymphae were small, and delicate, and barely shewed through the full lipped slit. Altogether, it was sweetly pretty, and scarcely looked like the cunt of a full grown woman of two and twenty.
I slept with her, and found her a most charming bed-fellow. She had much of the manner of fucking that Camille has. — A slowish, reciprocating movement of her haunches to my thrusts, and when spending, no violent action (which I hate in a woman), but a sort of squeezing, prick engulphing, wriggle of her cunt, and heave up of her backside, which was most exquisite. When found in other women I expect I have always told of it. We both slept stark naked, for her body was of exquisite plumpness, yet without fat. Her mouth and teeth had first attracted me and I fastened on it. I could scarcely keep my tongue from her mouth, nor she her tongue from mine, for she liked that sensuous junction of the mouth as much as I do, when I get the mouth I like. At my wish she did not wash after copulation, she did not care to if she liked the man, she said. I fucked her to my utmost and passed a most delicious night. We both slept profoundly till about eleven o’clock next day. Kissing her in the morning, I said to her, “You spent with me always.” — “I don’t know who wouldn’t spend with you, your way of doing it would make any woman spend if she liked men at all,” she replied. She was one of those who didn’t use language either baudy or blasphemous. Yet she was lustful, full of juice, and as greedy of sperm, as well nigh any woman I ever yet have had. A strong, healthy woman, in the very prime of life, and quietly fond of all voluptuousness.
I had her a night or two after, and then satisfied by a more careful look, that which I had fancied by fingering and fucking her before, that the opening of her vagina, or mouth of the prick tube, was very small, and that immediately the mouth was passed, it grew if anything larger than it usually is in women. As I fucked, I found that sensation of undue capacity even round my prick. At a future day, I noticed this particularly at the second poke, if she had not washed my sperm out. It was the smallness, and the shape of this opening of the vagina, which helped to make her cunt look so pretty. She told me it had been noticed by most of her friends, and she seemed very proud of it, for when I looked at her cunt as I always did before entering it, “Isn’t it small?” she used frequently to say in a gratified tone. I once before had a woman who was proud of her smallness there. I never told Amelia that her cunt inside was extra sized. I never do anything which may vex or wound a woman I like, or cause her to think I am not quite satisfied with her charms. I have known many women much offended by remarks of mine about their person, remarks made quite innocently by me. Many gay women are as proud of their cunts as they are of their faces.
She was a voluptuous creature, and enjoyed my embraces much. I had ample signs of that and am not deceiving myself. She was not a talkative person either, and had a soft voice which I like. We used to pass much time when together, in billing and cooing, as it may be termed: for once on her bed, our mouths joined and our tongues set to work, and we did nothing else for a long while. We licked each others teeth, wetted copiously our lips with saliva, and rubbed them together till they dried, every now and then just protruding the tips of our tongues and all as silently as possible. — “You’ve a lovely mouth, Mealy.” — “And so have you, and the sweetest breath.” This was repeated often enough, just as if both were spooning. I don’t usually take the wet mouth of women of her class, or of any woman, unless I like the look of their mouths; tho wet kissing of that sort, I love intensely now, and it is most exciting to me, and makes my cock stand without handling it.
She was skilled also in prolonging our sexual enjoyments. “Lay quiet in me, dear” — this was often said when my prick was up her, and quiet I used to lay as long as my prick let me, but it was an imperious organ. “Oh, don’t move it,” she would murmur through our wet lips and tongues, when voluptuously slabbering each other. Then when she spent, the pupils of her eyes disappeared, the white only could be seen, her mouth opened quite wide, and she breathed short, and hard, for a second or two. But before the spend had quite finished, her liquid lips were joined to mine again, giving subtle enjoyment, till the luscious enervation came on. In fact she was gifted by nature with the art of love, and loved the art, tho she never seemed baudy, nor talked it. Then I began to take to her, then resisted myself—no more affection for me if I can help it.
She had a nice ten-roomed house, well furnished. I found after a week, that she inhabited it all herself, and there was no lodger in it. Then I found that her rent was paid by Captain * * * * * of the * * * Infantry, the son of a Baronet and his heir. He was very fond of her, and came up to see her as often as he could. At the time I speak of, he was at Aldershot. This information was given me one day, when I said I was going to call on her. She begged me not as she would be engaged for a week. On other occasions that also occurred and then she told me further why. I saw, after I was better acquainted with her, his photograph, and also of that of his father’s house. At a later date she shewed me photos of his sisters. All were taken by the same man in the country. (Photography then was not in its present state of perfection.) He promised he would marry her, she told me. I have a faculty in getting the confidences of gay women, and without soliciting it. — How many have asked my advice in their troubles, and in the belief that they have no true friend in their own sex.
She had at that time living with her, a woman whom she called her house-keeper and companion. A fine, well grown woman, about twenty- eight or thirty years old seemingly, and in tone and manner, quite superior to what is usually found in the house of a gay woman. In fact a gentle-woman. This very much astonished me. In bed with Amelia one night, after a champagne supper, and we had fucked once, talking about the house-keeper, she told me that she had been a governess, but had lost her position, and had had a child. Her manners indeed were quite those of a lady. When I called she placed a chair for me, and left the room in quite a different manner from a servant.
I did not always tell Amelia when I should be with her, but took my chance, calling sometimes even in the morning, but mostly in the afternoon or evening. Some-times I waited an hour or two for her, if she happened to be out, or engaged. I don’t recollect her being with a man at home when I called, more than once, and think that two or three men mainly supported her. She told me one night that a married man was very good to her.
I had known her somewhere about two months, when one evening now quite late in the autumn I called. She was out and would not be in for an hour or two, would I call again. I preferred waiting. The companion who had opened the door to me saying that both servants were out (as was at times the case), was leaving the room. It was cold and there was a fire in the parlour, and thinking of her comfort only I said, “You can stay, unless you have a fire in the drawing-room.” — No, there was no fire, but she could go to the kitchen. At my request she stayed in the parlour. We began talking, and I thought she looked very nice. She was a dark eyed, dark haired woman, tallish like her mistress, and was dressed nicely in a quiet coloured silk. I began whilst conversing, to think over what had been told me about her having had a child. I wondered whether she was fucked by any one now, and arrived at the conclusion, that a fine woman like her in the prime of life, would not go without conjunction with the male, whatever might be said about her chastity to the contrary. No cunt can refuse a prick when once it has had it. Amelia had said, she was sure she was quite steady, having had enough of men, and being disgusted with him whose cock had produced her child, brought her to grief, and neglected her afterwards. How could a gay woman believe that?
I got lewed. “Sit nearer the fire, it’s cold out there.” She drew near it, and so did I. Something in her movement brought the easy swing of the haunches of her mistress to my mind. I had been longing to talk about love matters, but didn’t know how to begin, had one of those stupid ignorant ideas about its not being fair, that her mistress would be told and mischief made, and so on, as if I had not as much right to poke the maid, as the mistress. But I was fondish of Amelia. This movement of her companion’s haunches destroyed all such thoughts, and I burst out, — “Your bum moves just like your mistress’ ” (tho it was not a bit like it). “Does it?” said she, laughing. — “Yes, and I expect it’s the same size.” — “There’s not much difference when we are both naked.” “Really? I should like to see.” — She never replied, but shook her head, laughing quietly all the while to herself.
I drew close to the tender and put my feet on it — “Put your feet up, Mrs. A*t*n (She was spoken of always as Mrs.). — She did. — “Lift your clothes and give it a warm.” — “I’m warm enough.” — “I’m too hot,” said I, adjusting my prick in my trousers, for it was stiffening, and could not rise up owing to my drawers, and I pulled it about outside my trousers, in such manner that she must have known the reason, for she laughed, then stopped herself and looked demure. But I’d made her want to open her thighs I was sure, lust is so contagious, words raise ideas, ideas heat cock and cunt quickly.
“Did any man sleep with Mrs. German last night?” I asked. I had been several times in the room with the house-keeper before, but had never asked any question, knowing that I should only get a lie in reply. — “No.” — “Someone did, now.” — “Yes, some one did.” “You told me just now no one did.” — “Oh no I didn’t, you said a man — I slept with Mrs. German;” — She told me that when her mistress was alone, she slept with her, and that was most frequently, for that she only let one or two men sleep all night with her.
Then I rattled on, forgetting quite that I was waiting for Mrs. German — did they sleep naked together as I did with her? Had she as little hair down there as her mistress? I knew it was dark whilst Amelia’s was light. Did she cuddle her? — Mrs. A*t*n answered those, and a lot of other questions, quite discreetly and evasively, said she slept with her because she was timid. She did her hair — dried her after her bath, did all sorts of things for her to make her comfortable, for she had been very kind to her. I hesitated to say it, but at length, — “You’ve seen her cunt I expect.” — “Of course.” — “You’ve frigged her.” — “Don’t be a beast and ask me such questions,” said Mrs. * * * *, all on a sudden turning half indignant. “Well, don’t tell Amelia what I’ve been saying.” — “It’s not likely that I shall.”
That somehow encouraged me. I got up and kissed her. “Don’t tell her that,” and I tried a feel. — “Don’t be foolish sir,” — “Let me, my prick’s bursting, and I can’t wait for Mrs. German — look.” — Out I pulled my pego on a state of high inflammation, — “Don’t you now be foolish — I won’t feel it. — She’ll be in directly, or the servants will, — Don’t — I’ll tell her — now don’t you.” — I was standing up now. She still sitting with feet on the fender. I stooped quickly, ran my left hand up her petticoats, and touched her cunt in a trice, holding her back in the chair with my right hand whilst I felt with the other. She did not resist much, did not even close her thighs, and my hand easily covered the whole slit from clitoris to vagina. I kissed on and fumbled about, and thrust a finger up her cunt for a minute, she half laughing. Then she closed her thighs. — “No, leave off, that’s enough, you did not come here for that.”
Relinquishing her quim, “Let’s do it,” I said. — “No, that I won’t.” — “You shall.” — “Mrs. German may come in at any minute.” — Well she can’t get in with-out ringing.” — “Yes she can, she has the latch key.” — “I’ll bolt the street door.” — She didn’t say no. — I bolted it, and returned.
She now was standing by the table, I pulled her on to the sofa and felt her cunt again. — “You’ll never tell Amelia.” — “Never, how can you think I should be such an ass.” — “I don’t know about that.” — Not another word she spoke, but laid hold of my prick which had been out all the time, we kissed, she laid in a hurry almost her length on the sofa, I threw up her clothes, saw that it was a dark, fully haired cunt, as I guessed it must be and the next minute my prick was at work up it we were fucking energetically, and finished our pleasures at the same moment. — Said she as she arose. — “If Amelia knew about this, she’d turn me out the next minute — so don’t you do me that harm, God knows I’ve had enough misery.”
I felt immediately as if I had been treacherous to Amelia. — Of course that was very foolish, but I did. — Mrs. A*t*n went to the kitchen and washed her cunt, came up, sat down on the sofa, and said that if her mistress was not home soon, probably she wouldn’t be home till late, as she had gone to dine with a friend, and might go from there to the Argyle rooms, but I had better leave. — I wouldn’t go. — If she came in she could say I hadn’t been there long. “We’ll do it again.” — Mrs. A. was of opinion evidently, that in for a penny in for a pound was a good motto, and tho she had told me to go, was awaiting another cunt basting. She wouldn’t undress, but all that could be seen by lifting her petticoats above her waist I saw. All I could see and feel by loosening her dress above, I did. I investigated her cunt, held a candle to look at it, and a good, bold looking cock trap it was. She helped me quite willingly in my inspection for she had nothing to hide, till I took a candle. Then she resisted. Directly I had satisfied my eye-sight, — “You’d better make haste,” she said, and laid down with thighs wide open. She was either hot cunted or fearful of her mistress returning, and I think both, but certainly hot cunted — and as I feared being interrupted by Amelia’s return I shagged her again at once.
“You like fucking jolly well,” — I remarked. — “Who doesn’t, but it’s brought me to grief, I’d vowed never to let a man again.” — “Gammon, my dear.” — Her re-mark might have been a pumper — and I had promised Amelia never to tell her companion what she had told me about her and never did. Then Mrs. A*** begged me to go. The servants would certainly be in soon, if I went off at once she should never say I had even called, that would be best, and I was never to tell Mrs. Amelia about my having done so. Off I went, called at the Argyle, saw Amelia there, told her I had merely looked in to see her, and went home.
Soon after, in conversation with Amelia, she told me that she felt timid, and frightened of being robbed or worse if she slept by herself, and that Mrs. A*t*n usually slept with her. “Does she gamahuche you?” — Amelia gave me a slap. — “Oh you beast, no. — I don’t like women — I like poking too well.” — Certainly she did that, there was no mistake about her voluptuous delight in coition, nor in her spending freely with me, but then might she not have liked the other variety of lustful enjoyment as well?
I told Amelia that I saw no objection to women amusing each other sexually if they liked, but she affected dislike — or really felt it. Did she? These thoughts only occur to me as I think over matters, and write this narrative, and [still more as I revise them after many years], Amelia was a quietly voluptuous woman, Venus in all ways pleased her I am sure, and it is more than probable that she had Sapphic tastes as well as lechery for men, tho the double taste I believe is unusual, but there are such singular sexual idiosyncrasies. — If she liked a woman for lustful games, it did not prevent her getting in the family way by a man.
Other females, however, had my caresses. I did not keep to Amelia, nor disguise that from her. Then I went abroad (I put this part of my narrative separately) and when I returned, Amelia was in the family way by her captain. In vain I told her before it was too late that she had better get rid of the foetus. No, she was delighted. — It was his, he knew it was his — he had stopped with her an entire month — she had had no other man all that time, and he wished for a child by her, said he would keep it, and so on. It was to me al-most incredible, that a woman with such experience as she must have had, young as she was, should have believed all that. — But she did. Now he was supplying her with plenty of money and did not wish her to see any other man. His regiment was ordered to * * * * and he could not see her for many months. I guessed how all that would end, but attempted no more to destroy the happy illusion she was under. — She was fond of the captain, poor thing. But whatever the captain might have been, or whatever her promises, it did not prevent Amelia from fucking heartily with me. Her enjoyment of my prick indeed got intense. She certainly ceased going to the Argyle almost entirely.
I like to see all of a nice woman when I have once had her, and altho I did not really care about her, got Mrs. A*t*n to a baudy house, and passed about four hours with her there. Having made several calls hoping to find Amelia out, and to have Mrs. A*t*n, I failed in doing so. Difficulty in some cases increases desire, and it was so with me now. I thought that I longed exceedingly to have the woman, so wrote her, and slipped it into her hands when I called, and told her where to write to me. She named a day, and eleven o’clock in the morning. It is funny that the woman never appeared to leave the house, I never found her out of it, or heard of her going out, and she frequently was in the house alone. She said one day that she never wanted to go out, which I believe to have been a lie. I fancied she was hiding there, and feared to go out, tho my reasons for that belief are not very strong.
Soon after eleven o’clock, there we were in a house (not my favourite one) and ten minutes after that, she in chemise, I in shirt were on the bed together. I inspected her charms which she seemed a little modest about, she inspected mine, which pleased me much. Now I looked out for the signs of childbirth. — She was absorbed intensely in handling and contemplating my prick, when I began the search. I was standing by the bed-side. Suddenly she relinquished my prick, and pushed down her chemise. By my investigations she was evidently taken unawares. “Don’t. I don’t like to be pulled about so, don’t,” — said she very angrily. “You’ve had a child, my dear.” — “I haven’t.” “Yes, I have just seen the marks.” — “I haven’t but what if I have?” — “Nothing, my dear.” — “But I haven’t, I’ve had a miscarriage.” — “How did that happen?” — “I shan’t tell you. — I’m sorry I’ve met you.” — “Nonsense. It doesn’t matter to me if you have, or not.” A fuck restored her temper.
I tried to get out of her when she’d been fucked first, but learnt I expect nothing true. She’d been seduced, had been ruined by a scoundrel who had promised to marry her, her career was gone. She’d since had no other man but me. — How curious I was, did I ask all the ladies I had such questions. She didn’t want men for she hated them. — Well! She did frig herself, if I wanted to know — why shouldn’t she, she must do something, naturally. — “Frig Amelia?” — “Certainly not — she has quite enough of it without doing that.” — “Enough of what?” — She hesitated. “Well fucking, there! — I knew you wanted me to say that word, and I’ve said it, and do you feel any better for it?” She was nasty, snappish, and disliked being questioned. So I desisted, having come out for pleasure, and not to annoy.
“I won’t look at your belly” said I, after she had washed her cunt, for that she insisted on doing quickly after I had spent in her, and I wanted again to see her charms, for unless I am in bed for the night, I nearly always look at a woman’s cunt before each fuck. I am indeed never tired of looking at a woman’s hidden charms. “Now don’t be nonsensical, you may pull your chemise down below your navel, but I’ve seen all I want there, — and I pulled it down myself. — “Now open your thighs wider — you did it on the sofa the other night.” — Open they went, for it makes some women lewed to have it looked at. I had a good look at a cunt of the usual class, a cunt of thirty, well haired and full lipped, nothing in it to call either pretty or the reverse. But she was tawny skinned, there was a slightly bilious, brown tint in her skin, just as there was in her face. She was what may be called a dark skinned woman which I don’t much admire, but fleshy and well proportioned. When I had seen all this, and done my utmost in tailing her that morning, I was satisfied, and never desired her again.
In the four hours, she kept me closely up to my work. She wanted fucking more than I did, but I did it four times. She was curious about my prick, and looked at it repeatedly. When I said after my second poke, — “Let me look at you, open your thighs.” — “Let me look at you then,” she said, and laughed. — Of course I let her. I couldn’t help thinking that really it was a long time since she’d had a man, or she wouldn’t have handled and looked at my prick so much. She was like a young girl with it, and her hurry to let me up her was undisguised. Yet as I had made up my mind from her evasive replies to my questions that she was lying, I didn’t care to think much about her, or whether she had been much or little fucked, or by one man or more.
She had come out that morning to buy a dress, she said, which I think was true. I tipped her, which I half fancied she didn’t expect, and we parted as if we were acquaintances, and nothing more. — Nor did she make any signs of recognition or pleasure when I saw her again at Mrs. German. (This all took place before Mrs. German told me she was in the family way.)
Some months elapsed during which I was much abroad, and I went a long voyage across the sea, which I omit telling here for the sake of continuing about Amelia. It was on my return that she told me she was in the family way and the particulars just given. Then I resumed sleeping with her, and did so at times for one or two months, till her belly began to get large. — After a while she got fretful and tearful, for her captain tho he sent her money and kind letters, said it would be long before he could see her again, that he had been found out, and had had an awful row with his governor about her. She began asking me if I thought he would do what he had said. How could I tell I replied when I only knew what she had told me. Then she said she was sure she could trust me, and showed me a bundle of his letters which I read, and saw he was cooling down. I did not like to add to her trouble by telling her that, but said if he didn’t, she might perhaps sue him for a breach of promise, tho I didn’t think she could — but that even comforted her.
I did not care about poking her with her big stomach, and left off calling much. She then went to the Argyle, as she said, only to divert herself. Whether she got friends there or not I didn’t know, but she so managed to dress that there were no signs of the size of her belly. At the Argyle she came up to me one night directly she saw me (I had always told her never to notice me unless I made her a sign, it was my custom with all women). “I must speak with you,” said she. “What do you think, I went home last night, and found my house-keeper had delivered herself of a seven month child and it was dead, and was lying on the table wrapped up in a napkin, she was lying on the sofa fainting — what shall I do — the dead baby’s there still.” — I suggested calling in a doctor. She said she was frightened to do that. — “Perhaps she’s killed it,” I remarked. — She was sure she didn’t know, she hoped not — but Mrs. A*t*n wouldn’t reply, would tell nothing wouldn’t open her mouth. — There she lay now in bed ill, only saying that she wouldn’t have a doctor and wished she was dead.
I could not assist her, but still advised a doctor. — She asked me to go home with her and see Mrs. A*t*n. — I declined doing so as long as the dead child was there. I could do no good, but would be at the Argyle a few nights after.
A week after, Amelia told me the child was buried and that it was stillborn. That A*t*n was ill, and that she meant to send her off directly she was better. A week after that she was gone, and I slept with Amelia. She was mysterious about her companion, and said she would never have believed that she would get into such a scrape again. I asked no further questions not wishing to know anything more about the matter, but had my suspicions that the child was born alive. — I never heard of A*t*n afterwards. — But I wonder much at Amelia thinking that a woman who had once had fucking, would go the rest of her life without it. — There were fresh servants in the house soon after. If I had anything to do with begetting that child, it could not have been more than five months old, but suppose I had not.
But there is one thing I ought to have named before. I was very salacious one night, and delighted much in the beauty and whiteness of Amelia’s form. She was, I think in much the same condition of lust. How exquisite is the pleasure when a man and woman are both lewed, and play erotic tricks together. Her belly had then scarcely began to swell. I postponed consummating, and indulged in many lewed preliminaries. I was fanciful in the highest degree and full of erotic inventions. — “Kneel over me dear, and let me see your pretty cunt” and I moved into the middle of bed. She was naked as she was born, for she had had her night-gown on ready to get into bed with me, and I made her take it off. Laughing she placed herself on her knees straddling across me, her coral split slightly opened by the position. I gazed with sensuous delight and stiff prick on the pretty light haired division, and fingered it using at times both hands at once. When doing so she put one of her hands behind her bum and felt my cock. — “Oh — hah — isn’t it stiff. — Oh, do me.” — “Not yet love, feel my prick again.” — Kiss it, kiss, I’m so lewed,” — said she, wriggling her thighs and buttocks, as well as a kneeling position permitted. “Come nearer then.” — She moved on her knees more for-ward, they widened out as she came near my shoulders, and her cunt met my mouth. Rapturously I kissed it, then involuntarily put my hands round her smooth white buttocks and pulled her closer to me. “Get lower down dear.” — Her cunt covered my mouth I put out my tongue and tickled her clitoris with it, then licked, then closed my lips on it, then licked it again. “Oh — oh, if you do that I shall spend. Oh — ohooooo,” — she said and her cunt moved back-wards and forwards, covering my mouth and my nose. For a moment I desisted, saying “Shall I gamahuche you, Mealy?” — “Oh, do — go on, do, I’m nearly spending,” and her belly and backside shook with her lust.
I clasped her buttocks with both hands and put my tongue to her clitoris again. “Keep your cunt quiet when you spend” for in her pleasure just before she had moved her cunt about so, that I lost the clitoris, my tongue went on to her vagina and her clitoris rubbed my nose. I don’t like my nose and my lips to be covered by a cunt. Then I licked and gently bit and nibbled at her clitoris, till I felt her backside vibrating with pleasure, her whole cunt, spite of her, seemed to drop all over and cover my mouth and with a sharp cry of pleasure the dear creature spent. “You never did that before to me” said she, when she laid by the side of me a minute or two afterwards. — “Do you like being gamahuched?” — “Yes very much at times, but I want it done properly to me afterwards” — and properly it was done by me then in a few minutes.
Two or three times after that, the letch seized me for gamahuching her, and I always did it in that fashion. It was only done when she was hot cunted, when we had been talking libidinously, and when I had gone home with her after a good dinner. (For I had taken to give her dinners at * * * * then not long opened.) I was not ashamed of her, for she dressed well and quietly, and tho there was an unmistakably voluptuous air about her she scarcely looked like a gay woman when away from a harlots’ gathering. The gamahuching al-so was due to her incitement, more than my own suggestion. Her captain always did it to her, she told me when I questioned her. — “Yes — yes, once another has.” And so on, till talking begat the want. Then she washed her cunt, and mounted to my mouth again.
And this is what I wrote then. It is better left as it is, than put into narrative form like the rest. “Licked Amelia’s cunt last night, did I want to do it or did she want me to do to her? I have done it to her several times, now don’t like doing it, yet I do it. She seems to like it so. — Her frame as far as I can judge, lying under her cunt as I do, and seeing nothing, and only able to clasp her bum or her thighs, seems to thrill with a higher enjoyment than when she is fucked, and I like giving her pleasure for she deserves it, and she is so beautiful. But I want to wash my mouth and moustache directly after; whilst she says after a moment’s repose only, “Go on, dear.” But I don’t like the taste, and eject my saliva both whilst doing it, and after it, till it runs down over my chin and I long to wash my mouth. Yet last night I gamahuched her long without ejecting. But I do it as it seems to me through her talking about it. It is she who always be-gins talking about it first. I wonder whether Mrs. A*t*n did it to her. I half suspect it. I’ll ask again. But why shouldn’t she if they both like that fun?”
Again I was away from England. When I came back, she was very big and miserable. Her time was approaching for her confinement. The captain sent her money, but I saw from his letters (she insisted against my will on making a confidant of me) that he was cooling, and just before her accouchement, wrote to say he deeply regretted it but there was no help for it, if he didn’t, his Father would leave him nothing, he should be ruined, so he was going to be married. I saw her a few days after she received this letter, and in a sad state of distress she was. At one time she cried and said she loved him, the next moment cursed him. She had lost her good friends through him, they would not visit her with her big belly, and now she should have a wretched child to keep, and much more. She raved about it, and her energy (in one habitually so placid) surprised me.
She had the child and luckily it died. But it nearly killed her in coming into the world, and I wonder if it was owing to that small opening. I shall write no more about for this is not a history of Amelia German. She quite altered in appearance afterwards. I had other women, was much away, and only had her once or twice after she recovered from her confinement. Some months afterwards going to the Argyle, I met her and went home with her. She was then in lodgings, had lost her nice quiet manners, and was a flaunting vulgar whore. I was sorry for it. Suddenly she disappeared, no women whom I asked could tell about her, they hadn’t seen her anywhere for a long time, was all I got from the sisterhood.